The grass is always greener…

This week I am amazed at the irony of my own human nature.  For months I have hoped that we would be able to have our third baby back in Canada and be close to our families for a while, and now that we are making plans to do just that, I find myself getting all sentimental over Korea and not wanting to leave.  It’s like that line from the Joni Mitchell song: “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.”  Well, it’s not actually gone yet, but both A. and I are suddenly savoring everything about Korea that we will miss when we leave and feeling all nostalgic about the past few months here.  There are so many places in Daegu that we still want to visit, so many foods we haven’t tried….It’s so funny – once you realize how short the time is, you appreciate everything so much more. 

I think this applies to our spiritual lives as well.  It is easy to complain about all our struggles and hardships here on earth, to see only the negatives – but I wonder if I knew the day I was “leaving” this earth, would I appreciate my time here more?  Complaining has got to be one of my primary weaknesses – whether it’s out loud or just constant negative thoughts in my head, there’s always something I think is not right with my life.  God has been speaking to me about this lately, and I am realizing how much I miss out on of my life because I am too busy grumping.  How little I truly enjoy things in the moment, because I am worrying about the future or mulling over the past or wishing my life were different somehow.  If I continue on this way I am going to have a lot of regrets in heaven, a whole pile of missed opportunities to simply be happy and enjoy the life God has given me without wanting to change it somehow.  I need to accept my present circumstances and not always be waiting for that mystic day in the future where everything will be ”better” than it is now….does that day ever really come?  I doubt it.  But somehow I keep on waiting, saving up my joy for when my life is perfect instead of enjoying things now…how ridiculous!

One example is my relationship with my son.  He’s 3 and has been a real handful for about half of his short life.  I have realized lately how often I brush him off, try to get him occupied without me, and count the hours till bedtime, instead of enjoying this time when he is little and wants to do things with me.  If I really understood how short my time with him will be, I don’t think I would do those things…I’d savor the attention he gives me and not get frustrated so easily.  I am trying to work on this, to make him the priority instead of the interruption.  I need my mind to be transformed, I really do (Romans 12:2).  And I need to get off the computer!  See you later, then!