Making decisions and knowing God’s will

My husband A. and I are on the verge of some major, life-altering decisions this week.  We have prayed, and discussed, and discussed with other people, and prayed some more….but so far, we’re still undecided.  As a result, I have been thinking a lot about how to know God’s will for our life – his “specific” will, not his general will outlined for all believers in the Bible.  And then I wonder if the specifics really matter much to him, or if it’s simply our character and our relationship with Him that he cares about.  Certainly I think the latter are more important eternally, but doesn’t his plan for us include the details like where we live and what job we have?  So how do we figure out what he wants?

I guess a little background information is in order here.  Last summer, my husband accepted a job in South Korea as an English teacher, having recently finished his Master’s degree in English and with no apparent job prospects in Canada.  We were both certain that this opportunity was the right thing for our family, and God confirmed it by working all the details out amazingly well so that we could come here with our kids with a minimum of hassle.  His boss is wonderful, and he has really enjoyed the teaching.  I, on the other hand, have felt lonely and isolated at home with the kids, so we decided fairly soon after our arrival that although I could stick it out for a year here, we wouldn’t want to stay longer than that – it just wouldn’t be the best thing for me or the kids. 

And so began the job hunt for Fall 2007.  With no success.  The pickings were slim to start with, as most Universities require a PhD for their teachers, and public schools want a BEd…with only his Master’s he is sort of stuck in no-man’s land.  But even though he applied for a dozen or so jobs, he didn’t get a single promising response back.  

Then on Sunday his uncle emailed us, describing an opening for a high school English teacher at the international Christian school in Nicaragua, where he works.  A. applied, and immediately received an email from the director with a long list of questions and a request to have an interview this week.  That interview was this morning, and all went well…but we are all going to take a week or so to think and pray about it before making a definite decision.  All of this happened so suddenly, that our minds are still reeling just thinking about it. 

There are a lot of good things about this opportunity…a great teaching job for A., the chance to be near relatives, a strong English-speaking community and church/school family (something we are really missing here in Korea!), etc.  But there are some major obstacles, too, like the fact that we would need to raise a lot of financial support ourselves as this is a missionary school and cannot provide a full salary.  Oh, and did I mention I’m pregnant?  Due mid-September?  Yep, I am.  So the prospect of arriving in a new country 7+ months pregnant and delivering the baby in a foreign hospital is…stressful, to say the least.  And they would like us to make a 3-year commitment – which seems like a lot at this point in our lives.

The other option A. is considering is a 1-year BEd program at UBC.  A BEd would open up all kinds of jobs for him, and although things would be tough for that year with little to no income and a new baby, it might be worth it in the long run.  He applied about a month ago but hasn’t heard back if he’s accepted or not…and until he knows, it’s really tough to make the decision to accept another job.  We feel like we’re flying blind, here, and really need God’s direction and guidance in choosing the right path.

So what does God’s direction look like in a situation like this?  How do we know what he wants us to do?  We haven’t felt any kind of specific “calling” to Nicaragua…it was just an opportunity that came out of nowhere and we pursued it to see where it led.  And honestly, if it were completely up to me and I could do whatever I wanted, I would choose to go home, job or no job.  But that’s probably just the homesickness talking.  I want to be able to pray “Thy will be done” and really mean it, to be open to doing whatever God wants us to do even if it isn’t what I want.  So I have to consider not going home.  But this is really hard.  The verses that talk about God leading us are so vague…I long for something more concrete and obvious!  And how do we balance out making decisions based on logic and what little wisdom and common sense we have, with making decisions based on faith and believing that God can do the impossible?  At this point either choice would be a step of faith for God’s provision, but the move to Nicaragua would be the bigger leap.  But is it so big as to be unwise?  Where do we draw the line?

I don’t have any answers yet, just questions.  And a few verses of Scripture to cling to:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.”   Proverbs 3:5-6 

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”   Isaiah 30:21

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”   Proverbs 16:9

How have you determined God’s specific will in your life circumstances?  Can we ever know for sure that we are doing the right thing?

More thoughts about the “Abundant Life”

As I mentioned earlier this week, I have been reading through the book of John.  The other day I came to John 17, the prayer of Jesus, and I realized that Jesus’ desires for us believers, as expressed in his prayer, give us a lot of clues about his definition of a “rich and satisfying” life.  I want to share with you some of the things that stuck out to me.  

The things Jesus says he wants for us are:

- That we KNOW God, and his son Jesus Christ, thereby gaining eternal life (vs.3)

- That Jesus reveals God’s truth to us, and we keep his word and act on it by having greater faith (vs.6-8)

- That we bring glory to God (vs.10)

- That we are protected by God from the evil one (vs.11-12, 15)

- That we hear from Jesus and are filled with joy as a result (vs.13)

- That we are set apart from the world and made holy by the truth (vs.16-17)

- That we are taught the Word and grow in our understanding of it (vs.17)

- That we are sent into the world just as Jesus was, on a mission to sacrifice ourselves in order to save others (vs.18-19)

- That we are perfectly united with God and with one another, and have an effective witness in the world as a result (vs.21-23)

- That we are WITH Jesus and see all his glory (vs. 24)

- That we carry God’s love in us (26)

What I had to conclude from this list is that it is the fulfilllment of these things in my life, Jesus’ deepest desires for me, that will truly make my life rich and satisfying.  All those externals that I worry so much about - my circumstances, possessions, family, friends, health, career, and personal happiness – none of those are mentioned, because they are not ultimately satisfying.  Nor are they necessary for any of the above to occur – in fact, the spiritual growth and witness that Jesus desires may flourish best in difficulty.  Yes, God often blesses us with many of our wants, too, but if we look to them for satisfaction in life they will disappoint us.  We are to “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matt.6:33)

But does the lack of some of those things we want detract from the ultimate satisfaction we are supposed to find in fulfilling Jesus’ desires for our lives?  Ideally it shouldn’t, but it does if we let it – which is very hard not to do.  I am often guilty of focusing on what I don’t have on the current list of what I think would make me happy, than what I do have on the list of what God says is ultimately satisfying.  When I don’t get what I want, I may not feel “happy”….but if I pray for God’s perspective on the matter, I know that he is using the lack of whatever-it-is for his own purposes, and I can find more meaningful satisfaction in the knowledge that he is at work in me, molding me to His image, using me to accomplish his work in the world even though  I may not understand how, than I could in actually having whatever-it-is.  It takes a lot of effort not to listen to my feelings but to listen instead to God’s truth and what He says about my life.  To believe by faith that I do have an abundant life through Jesus, even when I don’t feel like it. 

Maybe the problem is that, having ”grown up a Christian”, I don’t appreciate enough the depth of meaning and purpose that Jesus always gives to my life, especially in difficult times and when faced with not getting what I want.  Compared to an non-believer, I have so much hope, because I know that it is all leading somewhere, that there is a reason this or that is not happening for me and that in the eternal perspective it is going to be for the best.  I mustn’t take for granted my knowledge that “God has a wonderful plan for my life” – that truly is an awesome gift.

I need to frame this

I have run across this poem on a few sites, most recently at Adventures in Babywearing, and I love it so much that I’m going to post it here, too.  It really reminds me to keep my priorities straight, and that spending time playing with the kids is more important than anything else I do during the course of the day.

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

 

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

 

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

 

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew

And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo

Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

 

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

 

- Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Abundant life?

“…My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

Lately I have been struggling with the meaning of these verses.  God promises us a rich and satisfying life (others versions translate it “full” or “abundant”) in which everything works together for our good.  So what exactly does that kind of life look like?

I can tell you what I think it should look like for me.  A stable, long-term and fulfilling career for my husband.  Joyfully obedient children.  A nice home in a good area of town, in the same province (or even country!  I’ll take the same country!) as my parents and in-laws.  Close friendships with other women who really understand me and have time to hang out with me.  Being debt-free – or at least being able to see some light at the end of the debt-paying tunnel.  Fighting less with my husband.  A fruitful ministry in my local church.  A sense of meaning and purpose in my life. 

In short, Happiness.  Comfort.  Fulfillment.

But in the past 6 months, since we arrived in South Korea for a 1-year job opportunity for my husband, the glaring lack of these kinds of circumstances has forced me to re-examine God’s promises to us as Christians and what they really mean.  I have always known that God never promises us happiness here on earth – in fact he gurantees that we will face all kinds of “trials and sorrows” (John 16:33).  But if we aren’t necessarily “happy”, how do we define that “rich and satisfying” life?  What makes a life rich and satisfying?

As I am reading about Jesus’ life in the book of John, I search for the answer to this question.  But I have to tell you, it makes me very uneasy.  Jesus had no “home” – he was always travelling from place to place.  During his public ministry his family thought he had gone off the deep end.   His closest friends and disciples were always just a step away from leaving him.  He had no stable income, no earthly security of any kind, but depended on others to feed and shelter him.  He was constantly questioned, tested, gossiped about, followed…he hardly ever had a moment’s peace.  And, of, course, he was betrayed and deserted by his own disciples, died a torturous death, and to all the world appeared a failure. 

So this is where the rubber meets the road.  I say I want to be more like Jesus.  I pray for God to change me and make me more like him.  And I believe that as I grow in my Christian walk my life will become more ”rich and satisfying”.  But if my life circumstances turn out like Jesus’…will I be able to rejoice?  Or even just be content? Or accept it at all without turning away?  Honestly, I am not sure.  It scares me.  My own desires for my life are so strong, and my own ideas of what would be good for me and what I would find satisfying are so entrenched, that I don’t know how to give them up. 

Can life really be rich and satisfying if we don’t ever get any of the things we want?

I should probably clarify that this is mostly a theoretical question.  I have been blessed in many, many ways – my husband, my children, my Christian parents, my friends, my health, the daily provision of food, clothing and shelter, etc – and I appreciate everything that God has given me.  But many times I still feel dissatisfied with life, and I find myself praying for my wants instead of God’s will – or praying for what I want and hoping that will be God’s will.  I try to be thankful, but for as many things as I am thankful there are just as many I feel are lacking.

In the last few weeks, however, as my husband and I have struggled with planning the rest of this year, I have felt God calling me to a deeper surrender.  If none of my dreams or plans for the future ever come to fruition, will I still be content in him?  Will I be joyful? Will I follow him no matter where he leads me?  Will I give up all my needs and wants and hopes and plans, and pour out my life in service to him…like Jesus did?  Will I let him teach me what a rich and satisfying life is found in surrendering everything to him?

I hope I will soon get to the place where I can answer yes wholeheartedly.  At this point, I want to, but in my heart I am still “counting the cost”.  (Luke 14:25-33)  I pray that God will increase my faith and reveal to me the secret of being content in him, regardless of my circumstances.  Have you discovered that secret (Philippians 4:11-12)? 

Takin’ it up a notch

I’ve always been a writer in my walk with God. Though it hasn’t always been constant, I have kept a spiritual journal of sorts since my early teens, and have always found it to be the best way of organizing my thoughts, working through my doubts, asking questions, keeping myself accountable, etc.etc.etc…. But having been recently introduced to the great wide world of blogging, I have begun to realize the potential benefits of a public journal, where I can give others a glimpse of what God is doing in my life, and receive their encouragement/advice when I’m struggling. Hopefully “going public” will also help me to curb my innate tendency to focus on the negative – yes, it’s true, I’m pretty pessimistic - and avoid the pity-party that my journal often degenerates into.  I really do want to learn to “set my sights above”…and I think that blogging is something that can help me to do that.  So if you’re on a similar journey (or even if you’re not), I hope that you will stay and read awhile. 

Oh, and just so you know…this may not ALWAYS be serious, spiritual stuff.  I am not a theologian, I just want to learn to see the world as God sees it and understand what he is doing in my life and in the lives of others.  So I might have to brag about my kids now and then, or share a funny comment from my husband, or just vent, but hopefully in the end it will all come back to Him.  He’s my life, after all.

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand.  Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.  For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.  And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.”  

Colossians 3:1-4

See you again soon!